What if it doesn't work?

That's actually one of the more common questions that I get from families (and I suspect many others are thinking it!)  Thankfully, my clients have found that it usually does work, but there are times when problems come up that seem to make no sense.  Maybe we make a lot of progress (sleeping through the night, taking pretty good naps, etc), but we can't quite seem to get rid of those 5am wake ups.  Other times, a child just can't seem to nap longer than 30 minutes.  These puzzles usually have one of two solutions.  Either the child is getting mixed messages of some sort or we are dealing with an underlying medical condition.

Let's start with the mixed messages.  As I've said before, consistency REALLY is one of the biggest keys to sleep coaching.  Unfortunately, being consistent is much easier said than done.  As human beings we don't see the world in black and white, and we even more likely to see exceptions when it comes to our kids.  When I was teaching my girls to fall asleep at night, I freely admit that my mind went to all sorts of places when they woke up.  What if she is hungry?  What if her tummy hurts?  What if....  The bottom line is, it's actually a lot more compassionate to NOT pick them up/nurse them/bottle feed them in those moments of weakness.  It just sends mixed messages, confuses them, and leaves them unsure of what to expect in the middle of the night.  That leads to more wake ups and more crying.

Underlying medical conditions are a topic close to my heart right now.  My oldest daughter seemed to be sleeping perfectly.  She went to bed on time, stayed in her bed all night without calling out or seeming upset, got up at a reasonable time, and took great naps.  Unfortunately, she also seemed tired and cranky in the evenings, often woke up cranky, and never seemed well rested.  About a month ago, after some testing, we determined that she had mild Obstructive Sleep Apnea (OSA) and Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS).  Now that those conditions are being treated, she's a much happier little girl, and she's MUCH better rested.  Some other conditions that can really wreak havoc on sleep are acid reflux, allergies, asthma, and eczema.  Once we get those issues handled (by visiting the pediatrician), sleep success comes quickly!

HELP! My 10 month old wants to get up at 4:30 am!

My daughter is a pretty decent sleeper, most nights waking up only once (maybe twice) to nurse, then she goes right back to sleep. The problem is that after that late wakeup (generally around 4:30 or 5), she'll go back to sleep for thirty minutes and be up again. The only way to get her back to sleep then is to put her in bed with me and let her nurse the rest of the morning until 6:30 or 7. While these snuggles are quite wonderful, I'd like to actually, you know, get up and enjoy a cup of coffee in peace before the kids get up. It does get light here before 5 a.m. so I wondered if that was to blame. I hung dark curtains over her window for a week but she was still up early every day. She goes to bed at 7 pm so I don't think she's truly ready to be up for the day at 5. Especially when she'll go back to sleep in my bed for another hour and a half, or sometimes two. She gets between 2.5-3 hours of naps in per day. Any suggestions or do I need to suck it up?

Sara

Sara,

Early rising, which I define as waking up for the day before 6am, is one of the most common (and most frustrating) problems that I hear about as a sleep coach.  Thankfully, there are ways to stop it, so you do not need to "just suck it up!" 

To answer from a general perspective, here are the main causes of early rising.  See if any of them sound like they would apply to your situation.  Unfortunately, it only takes one in a lot of cases!

1.  Too late of a bedtime
2.  Putting your child to bed asleep (or too drowsy)
3.  Nap deprivation
4.  Too long of an awake period between the last nap of the day and bedtime

To your specific situation, she's 10, so she should be getting 11 hours at night and 3 or a little more during the day, spread over 2 naps.  It sounds like you're doing pretty well on that front, so #3 isn't sounding likely to me.  7pm is a perfectly reasonable bedtime, so that eliminates #1.  As for #4, she can probably go about 3.5 hours between her last nap and bedtime at 9 mos. 

Beyond this stuff, I'd direct you to blackout shades (which you've already done).  In a lot of cases, early awakenings are reinforced if you bring them to bed with you at that 4-5am time.  I can even start to slowly creep earlier!  So, I'd be careful about how you respond.  If you treat it the same as any other night waking, you're more likely to have success eliminating it!

Gentle Sleep Coach

One of the two "big things" that have taken up all of my time lately has been working on achieving my Gentle Sleep Coach certification through Kim West (better known as The Sleep Lady).  I actually started this training around the first of the year, but the past few weeks have been the most intense.  I was completing case studies and my final exam.  The happy news is, I'm done!  Now I'm just waiting to finalize the details before I put the official logo on my website and all my materials.

Of course, I've really enjoyed the training, but it will also really benefit all of my clients.  I had the opportunity to work with some of the most knowledgeable experts in the country to learn more about many issues that impact kids and their sleep.  It probably goes without saying that Kim provided priceless insight into the behavioral side of sleep coaching and that her feedback on my cases has made me better at what I do.  Here are some of the other topics and guest experts:

• Creating Secure Attachment with Kent Hoffman, PhD from the Circle of Security
• Post Partum Depression with Dr. Shoshana Bennett ("Dr. Shosh")
• Medical Issues that impact sleep with Dr. Lewis Kass
• Colic/Reflux with Dr. Bryan Vartabedian, author of Colic Solved
• Impact of Sensory Issues on sleep
• Pacifiers, Cosleeping, Nightmares, and Night Terrors
• How Potty Training Impacts Sleep Coaching

I am really looking forward to using my new training to be an even better sleep coach and help even more families!

Sorry!

I just wanted to apologize to everyone for disappearing for a few weeks!  I'm back now :-)

I've been super busy dealing with 2 big things (both of which warrant a post of their own, and will have one), but I wanted to let everyone know that I'm still here!

Time to Spring Forward!

This upcoming Sunday, Daylight Saving Time will begin.  Before we all had kids, the only thing we had to worry about was losing an hour of our precious sleep (not that we shouldn't still be concerned about that!).  Now, lots of parents are concerned that they will lose the progress they've made towards a peaceful night of sleep for themselves and their children.  Luckily, that doesn't have to be the case!  Here are some tips for you and your children (courtesy of The Sleep Lady) to ease the transition:

For adults:

• Go to bed 15 minutes earlier than usual tonight.
• On Friday go to bed 30 minutes earlier than usual (beginning to see the pattern?).
• On Saturday try to go to bed 45 minutes earlier than your usual bed time.
• Eliminate all caffeine before 1:30 p.m. this week in order to make it easier to go to bed earlier.
• Avoid alcohol this weekend which negatively effects sleep.

For children:

• For children older 2 years old you may be able to follow the adult directives of putting them to bed earlier each night. For younger children make sure they are well napped on Saturday and go to bed on the earlier side.
• When your child wakes up on Sunday morning (any time after 6am) make sure she gets some sunlight first thing in the morning. Do this on Monday also – it will  help her reset her internal clock. This will help you too! “Spring forward” can help some children who are having early rising struggles (waking before 6am) which is great news!
• Schedule your next day’s meals and activities according to the new clock time.
• Your bigger challenge will be to help your child get to the new (later) bedtime without being overtired! That means you have to make naps an absolute priority.  Have a comforting pre-nap routine and get her down for a good, restorative nap or two (depending on her age). Don’t forget an early enough bedtime!

Most of all, focus on making sure everyone gets enough sleep and stay consistent and you'll get through the change with minimal stress!

And the winners are.....

Congratulations to Michelle Seltzer and Barbara Martinez.  I will be sending you both further information via email.

Everyone else, I appreciate your interest in my business.  Please check your email as well!  I'm sending a special discount to all contest entrants!  :)

Would You Like a Free Sleep Consultation?

Are you stressing out about your child's sleep?  Would you like to have someone help you come up with a plan for your whole family to be well rested (finally)?  Here's your chance!

To celebrate the launch of my website (which is going to have another major change coming soon) and my Facebook page, I'm giving away 2 free sleep consultations!
Here's what you get:

• Review of your individual case history and sleep logs
• A 1-2 hour consultation
• A step-by-step plan, customized for your family
• An evaluation of the specific sleep needs for each of your children
• Direction on how to help your child fall asleep on his own, and how to fall back asleep without your help (and without just leaving him to cry it out!)
• Direction on how to teach your child to take long naps and wake up rested
• Up to 8 follow-up phone calls (based on your needs)
• 2 weeks of unlimited email support

To enter the contest, go here Contest Entry and enter your information!  The winner will be chosen at random from all entries submitted by midnight on 3/9/2011

Thanks everyone!!!

Middle of the Night Toddler Nursing

Meg asks:
I have (almost) 18 month-old twins. They still nurse once a day...which I shope to be stopping soon. My question is, they wake at least once a night to nurse. They will NOT go back to sleep without nursing and will stand and scream in their cribs, waking our other two children in the process. How can I help them get through the night? How do I know they aren't hungry?

Meg,

Start by taking the question about eating in the middle of the night to your pediatrician.  Most kids are fine going all night without additional calories at 18 months, but I'd ask just to be sure that there's no medical need for a night feeding.

Once you have the go ahead to wean them at night, make sure you have a soothing bedtime routine that doesn't end with nursing them to sleep.  If you nurse them to sleep, that's going to be the only way they know to fall asleep, and they'll need you at every night waking!  Also, make sure you are choosing a developmentally appropriate bedtime.  At 18 months, the average child needs 13.5 hours of sleep, with at least 11 hours at night (Note - this is the actual time sleeping, not the time in the bed!).  In most families, this means that bedtime is between 7 and 8 pm.

For the middle of the night wakings (and for falling asleep at bedtime too if this is an issue), I really like the "Sleep Lady Shuffle" as a way to gradually decrease your role in putting the child to sleep and increase their role in falling asleep on their own.  You start out right next to the crib, and you move your chair every few days until they are doing it on their own!  It may get worse before it gets better, but you should see the boys putting themselves to sleep at night and the disappearance of the night wakings in 7 to 10 days!

Sleeping Through the Night

How can I get my child to sleep through the night?  If I had to name the biggest question people ask when they find out that I’m a sleep coach, that would be the hands-down winner, and I completely understand why!  When my oldest daughter was small, I would’ve given anything for a good night of sleep!  There’s not an easy, one size fits all, answer that I can give people. (Otherwise, I wouldn’t have a job!)  There are, however, some hints that can really help!

Be consistent.  There are so many different ways to help a child sleep well, and there isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer to which one is the best.  Just pick the one you can follow.  If you change your response to wake-ups (alternating among cry it out, feeding, and bringing him to your bed) your child does not know what to expect, and it will be much harder on everyone. 

Have reasonable expectations.  Many parents come to me with 3-month-old children, wondering why they don’t sleep through the night.  Unfortunately, a normal 3-month-old can only sleep for one 6-hour stretch.   A 6-month-old, on the other hand, is usually capable of 11 to 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Make your child’s sleep a priority.  Children, like adults, sleep better in low noise and low light environments.  Yes, many kids can sleep on the in a carseat or stroller when needed, but this is NOT ideal.  It is fine every once in a while, but a child who consistently naps “on the go” will become overtired, and additional sleep problems will usually result.  Young children also need an early bedtime, around 7pm, even if it is a logistical challenge for most parents.

Don’t rely on sleep crutches.  It’s so easy to just rock the child until he falls asleep or feed him.  They are quick and effective!  Unfortunately, they are also things he can’t do for himself, so if he wakes up in the middle of the night, he’s stuck.  He needs you to come back and make him sleep with that rocking chair or bottle again!

Put them down drowsy, but awake.  Children need to learn how to fall asleep on their own.  Otherwise, normal partial awakenings lead to a fully awake and very upset, child.  The easiest way to help your child learn this skill is to get him really tired at bedtime, but allow him to do the work of actually falling asleep on his own.

Do you have suggestions or questions that you’d like to see me cover on this blog?  If so, please post a comment to this post.  :-)